RETIREMENT: IS THIS ALL THERE IS?

RETIREMENT: IS THIS ALL THERE IS?

Dear MAx

My husband and I retired together two years ago. We have already done just about everything on our ‘list’ that we wanted to do when we retired. Lately he has been driving me crazy just hanging out at the house. I feel like all I do is sit around waiting for him to decide to do something. We are in a good financial position, we have great adult kids and grandkids, other then him being depressed, we are in pretty good health for our ages. I often think of my parents and how they aged. Mostly I remember them just sitting in front of the TV, dad in his easy chair, mom waiting on him. Are we going in that direction? Is this all there is?

Evelyn

Dear Evelyn,

Congratulations for entering the autumn of your life. Yes, I said autumn, NOT winter—you are not on your last season as yet. Also, congratulations for good financial planning to get you where you are today. It isn’t unusual for people to focus on the financial aspect of retirement and not pay attention to what happens after they are no longer part of a daily workforce. 

Many people in the US dream of early retirement, but it has been reported that people who retire at the age of 55 are at least two times as likely to die by the time they reach 65 years of age compared to those people that continue to work well past the average retirement age. According to the US Census, in 1910 people did not retire until approximately 74 years old, which is interesting because the average life expectancy at that time was only 50 years. When Social Security was initially enacted in the US in 1935 it was not common for people to live much past 62 years old. In 2002 the average age of retirement was 62 years of age. Depending on what statistics you read, the average lifespan of Americans is 75 years old for men, 79 years old for females. 

Like you, Evelyn, most people plan their retirement based on money. This is misleading once they make the transition to this stage of life and many retired people are finding themselves under-planned emotionally and spiritually. 

In planning for retirement you also want to plan for how you want to spend the most precious of all your commodities: your time. When people retire they usually loose their identity. They are no longer a banker, teacher, ironworker, papermaker. So they begin to ponder ‘Then who I am?’ This question often leads down a path called depression, ending in an easy chair, with a clicker, and a TV set. Interestingly, AARP recently reported that even though Americans are retiring better financially then preceding generations, they are feeling worse physically and emotionally. 

I read somewhere that people that work in the public like politicians and entertainers work well into their 70’s and are generally in good health, look good, and have positive attitudes. Perhaps the need to have purpose in life: feeling needed and useful, being connected to the community and to a social group, is what keeps us going. 

In retirement, after the ‘list’ is done, if you don’t already have one, make a new list: volunteer, take a class, join those groups that you never had time for while working, create, challenge yourself to a new hobby. Most of all, get to know each other again. You may find that you each have new fears, new goals, new thoughts about how life has been and where you go from here. 

Life in retirement doesn’t mean life is ending, it means that life is going to be different, full of wonderful colors because that is what makes autumn beautiful.

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Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR  97440; or, e-mail your questions to askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com