Dear MAx,
My husband and I have been married for 15 years. During most of our dating time and married life, he has abused alcohol, and, sometimes drugs. Thankfully, for the past three years he has not abused either. I was so relieved when he decided to stop using on his own. My concern is that his attitude and motivation about life hasn’t changed. I thought when he stopped using things would be better in our life. Where do we go from here?
Penny
Dear Penny,
Congratulations for hanging in with your marriage through the good times and bad times. I hope through this time you have been taking care of your “self”, because the work isn’t done yet.
Addiction isn’t just a matter of abusing substances. Addiction is about behavior that disrupts and impairs body function. It is a developed culture that is contrary to the normal societal rules. Addiction is an all-consuming unhealthy lifestyle.
Just because addicts stop using doesn’t mean that they are healthy—it only means that they are abstaining. The other two stages still need to be accomplished: recovery and healing. These stages allow the mind, body, and spirit to line up for balanced health.
By “healing” I am not in any way implying that an addict is going to be “cured” and can begin drinking again. “Healing,” means that a person reaches a level of health where they can make clear decisions based on reward and consequence.
The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, originally copyrighted in 1939, quotes Dr. William D. Silkworth, M.D. as saying “…the body of the alcoholic is quite as abnormal as his mind.” Dr. Silkworth had a theory that alcoholics had “an allergy to alcohol”. He also believed that “a man’s brain be cleared” in order to start the process of recovery.
The body “abnormal”? “An allergy”? “Brain cleared”? Dr. Silkworth appears to have been a visionary of things to come seventy years into his future. Today, because of new integrative disciplines, such as medicine, psychotherapies, neurobiology, exercise, and nutrition, we are learning just how multi-dimensional addiction is to a human being.
Just in the past decade we have gone beyond the genetic disposition theory and moved into the area of brain function and its effect on addiction. We have learned so much about the brain chemistry functions that may contribute to the ongoing addiction problem. My last column was on dopamine and how it plays an important part in addiction.
Recently I have had great success with integrating nutrition and exercise at the start of clients’ recovery processes. A healthy diet and exercise program designed specifically for an individual based on physical health, body type, and inherited characteristics, assist in bringing the client to optimal health. Diet and exercise are needed to keep the blood flowing to the brain, which in turn helps the individual think more clearly thereby making healthier decisions.
Once a person is thinking clearly, behavior change can start occurring. Because addiction has a culture of its own--buying, friendships, environments, language—working with a trained addiction counselor is necessary and beneficial. The counselor can help identify behaviors that may have become innate, and offer strategies to change those behaviors working toward a healthier lifestyle.
Finally, the healing stage comes from addressing the individual’s “spiritual”, whether religious, spiritual, agnostic, or atheist, and helping them reconnect with that part of themselves. Since this is the third stage we are assuming that the abstinence has been continued, and the mind and the body are now clearly working together to make healthier choices. The brain is cleared.
An “allergy”? I don’t have a definitive answer--yet. But, I know that science is working on it. And, I also know that if someone is thinking clearly they aren’t going to ingest something that is going to make them sick. I have witnessed if you ask a severe addict to drink a glass of bleach they will hesitate before saying “no”; ask someone that is in the healing process and they won’t hesitate saying “no!”
Penny, your work as a couple, and his personal work through recovery to the healing stage, is just starting. It sounds like it took him over 15 years to commit to a healthier lifestyle, have patience and trust the process. Check in your community for qualified addiction counselors to help guide both of you through this process. The important thing is that there is hope, and, there is help.
Be well on your journey.
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Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
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