FEAR OF SUCCESS: SELF SABOTAGE

Dear MAx,

What is "fear of success?" How does it show up in our lives and how do we self-sabotage?

Olga

Dear Olga,

Straight forward questions about two issues that plague many people: fear of succeeding and self-sabotaging. 

Both fear of success and fear of failure can be paralyzing.  Both of these fears are similar. I believe the distinctive difference is that fear of failure pushes thinking to the extreme and may lead to distorting the actual situation or inflating it. This fear is often reinforced with negative thinking, like continually telling yourself that you are lazy.

Success is intimidating to some people because it tests their limits and makes them vulnerable to new situations and challenges. The fear of success is often characterized by moving forward with confidence right up to the finish line, then, a wall self doubt talk springs up to stop the progress. Like “Can I live up to this achievement”; or, “Do I have what it takes to sustain this success?”; or, “What does it matter anyhow?”

One of the biggest similarities between fear of success and fear of failure is that they both lead to change. I have talked a lot about change in previous columns. Human beings, in general, seem to struggle with change.

Change takes people out of their comfort zones. It usually takes an individual a long time to develop just the right comfort zone, so anything that is going to upset the way things are “always done” will bring up “fears”. Fears like “What will I do when I don’t have this to do anymore?” “When I’m finished someone will take it away, or find a way to do it better.”

Yet, one of the only things that we can be sure of is that change is inevitable. Whether you succeed or fail, change will happen. Why not strive for success?

These are cause and effect issues. The “cause” being the fear of success, and, the “effect” being the self-sabotage.  I often see these issues in my addiction clients that struggle with their recovery programs. Hence, a great way to self-sabotage is to escape the reality of the success using drugs and/or alcohol. But, it also manifests in other ways.

“Self-sabotage” is the vehicle that we consciously, or subconsciously, use to thwart our efforts for success. In addition to abusing alcohol and/or drugs, and negative self-talk, self-sabotage manifests in other forms. Such as: procrastination (usually the self-sabotage behavior of choice), “metaphorically partying”(staying out late, drinking too much coffee late at night, cleaning the house into the early morning hours) the night before a big presentation, exam, or job interview, or, to be all talk but no action.

The fear of success holds the best of the best back. Imagine how many great unfinished manuscripts are hiding in desks; or, that last highest mountain that will not be climbed because of the fear of success. The most difficult challenge is to walk through the wall of negative thoughts like:

*I don’t deserve this.

*I worked so hard to get here, I’m not sure the work is worth it.

*People won’t like me if I achieve my goal

*It is a challenge to be at the top.

*I am afraid that once I have it I will lose it.

So, there you are, almost completing a project that is going to lunge you forward in your life, perceiving changes in your lifestyle, your friendships, your future goals. How do you get yourself over that “Finish Line of Success” without stumbling into self-sabotage?  Here are a few suggestions:

1. Stay in the NOW. Old negative messages from the past and “what ifs” for the future aren’t going to get you over that finish line. STAY FOCUSED.
2. Be accountable: Surround yourself with people that will give you honest feedback, help you have a reality check, KEEP YOU FOCUSED.
3. Surround yourself with successful people. THIS IS YOUR FOCUS-SUCCESS!

Finally, as you approach the Finish Line of this success, set another goal for yourself; you might as well continue the momentum with a new project. Successful people recognize and welcome the chance to proudly achieve their visions knowing that they are worthy and deserving of the triumph.

Olga, thank you, again for submitting this topic. It certainly help me realign the direction I am moving. I am sure many of my readers can identify with both fear of success and self-sabotage.

Be well on your journey over the finish line of success.

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