Even though my daughter is very
intelligent, she tends to trust people too quickly. Shortly after she meets
someone she will talk their ears off sharing information about herself that
might not be appropriate. Recently one of her “best friends” shared some very
personal confidential information about her on the internet. As a result, she has been put of probation with
her job, lost many of her friends, and feels so mortified she doesn’t want to
leave her home. How do I help her through this difficult time.
Ruth
Dear Ruth,
Use to be that slandering by word
of mouth among social groups would cause repercussions like your daughter
recently experienced. These days slandering, or violating someone’s confidence
has extended to the worldwide internet.
In the world of face to face
communicate there are three varying levels of disclosure used depending on how
long, how well, and how trusted someone is in our personal social circle:
-Intimate: These are people that
we have known for a long period of time (usually all our lives), who know
everything about us, and still love, accept, and care about us. These are not limited
to family and other relatives. This is usually the smallest “social group” in
our circle. You feel comfortable enough with these folks to share anything
about your life.
-Acquaintance/Friends: These are
people that we meet throughout our life journey: colleagues, cliques, interest
groups, etc. They may, or may not, know a lot about us, but they don’t know
everything. Some of these people slowly make their way to the perimeters of
“intimate”, but may never cross that line; others move out toward the next
level, lose touch, and only become a distant memory as we move on. This part of
the social circle may contain the majority of people in your life. You would
tend to censor what you share.
-Strangers: These are people that
we deal with on a commerce level, impromptu social events, and long-ago
“acquaintance” level. These people may know your name, but not too much more.
We share the least amount of disclosure with these people; they quickly move in
and out of our life.
The worldwide internet has created an “anything goes” disclosure
platform.
Social networking services
provide platforms for people to focus on building networks, relationships, and
share ideas, general thoughts, and common activities. A survey completed in
2011 found that 47% of Americans use a social networking service. These platforms
are not always friendly, welcoming, or safe.
Social networking created a new
social malady: cyber bullying. It started with cyber-bullying of middle school
and high school students, and has now become a way of freely defaming, or
casting shadows on anyone’s character—adult or child.
Two evil beliefs of social
networking:
1.
If
something is written for the public to read—it is true: NOT TRUE
2.
Everything
written on the internet is true—NOT TRUE
To avoid destructive disclosure,
on or off line, maintain the three levels of social disclosure listed above.
As for your daughter, Ruth, ask
her to look at the people that have surrounded her with positive support and
love through this time. What she will learn is that she has a strong intimate
group.
______________________________________________________________________
Have a question about addiction,
recovery, or other life transitions: ‘Ask MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle
Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440;
or, e-mail your questions to: maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
_________________________________________________________________
LIFESTYLE CHANGES COUNSELING SERVICES
MA FABRY COUNSELING
105 W. “Q” Street, Springfield,
OR 97477
Mail: PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440
541-510-2548 maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com
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