SEASONS FOR ADDICTIONS

SPLAN FOR SEASON OF ADDICTIONS

Dear MAx
My partner stopped using alcohol and drugs last February. Things seemed to have been going pretty good until right around the beginning of November. What I am noticing now is that he is moody, snapping at people, and acting ‘squirrelly’. I don’t think he is using again. He sees an addiction counselor on a regular basis so I don’t feel it is my job to hold him accountable since he trusts his counselor. I have been reading a lot of books on addiction, have been talking to other people about it, and even attended an Alanon meeting. What information am I missing?

Sam

Dear Sam,

Holidays are difficult for people in recovery. We live in a society that includes intoxicants in all its celebrations. The early stage of recovery is difficult because of the detox process happening in the body. Throw in the holiday season with learned behaviors of celebration and, there you are, Sam, a ‘squirrelly’ partner. Let me share this bit of information offered by Sue Hosington, Director of Mental Health of the Hazelden Foundation in Minnesota:

RECOVERING PEOPLE NEED TO MANAGE HOLIDAY EXPECTATIONS
The holidays can be a challenging time for all of us. It is so easy to get caught up in the spirit of the season, while feeling let down by unmet expectations. The holidays can be especially challenging for individuals recovering from chemical dependency. Maintaining sobriety can be difficult when memories, increased family contacts, and the emotional highs and lows of the season present us with unexpected issues.

Recovering people frequently have unrealistically high expectations of themselves, which simply adds to the stress of the time. Another source of potential relapse stems from feelings of anger, frustration, anxiety, and depression. Worry is a common expression of anxiety, and loneliness is a common expression of depression. These two emotions are especially heightened during the holidays.

It’s good to develop a holiday plan, one that will help confront memories, which threaten the quality of your holiday experience. Your plan will benefit from improved self-care, enhanced support from others, and healthy ways to celebrate. Some suggestions follow:

GOOD SELF-CARE is vital. Remember to slow down. Take some quiet time each day to reflect on an attitude of gratitude. Plan relaxation and meditation into your day, even for a few minutes, no matter how you are. Relax your standards, reduce overwhelming demands, and delegate responsibilities. And remember to laugh during your day.

EAT, HYDRATE, EXERCISE and REST. Go easy on the holiday sweets and follow a balanced diet. Monitor your intake of caffeine, nicotine, and sugar. Exercise regularly to help maintain your energy level amid a busier schedule. Don’t try to do too much. Get plenty of sleep. Fatigue is a stressor that can make us more vulnerable to relapse. Try and maintain some kind of schedule. Plan ahead—don’t wait until the last minute to purchase gifts or prepare to entertain.

ENHANCE YOUR SUPPORT SYSTEM. Our culture presents the holidays as a time of joy, but this is not always so. Holidays can trigger many painful memories. They are a good time to reach out more frequently to your counselor, sponsor, and Twelve-Step group. Spend time with recovering people and activities. Let other help you realize your personal limits. Learn to say “no” in a way that is comfortable for you.

FIND NEW WAYS TO CELEBRATE. Create some new symbols and rituals that will help redefine a joyful and rewarding holiday season. You might host your own holiday gathering for special recovering friends and/or attend celebrations of your Alcohol Anonymous group to celebrate and not with people who are substance users. Don’t expose yourself to unnecessary temptations, such as gatherings where alcohol is the center of entertainment. If there are people who have a negative influence on you, make a choice to not be with them—or to limit time spent with them.

I hope that this information is not only useful for you, but for all people experiencing recovery in their life.
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Have a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement, career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘ASK MAx’. Send your questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to maxfabry@lifestylechangescounseling.com. Learn more about MAx Fabry at http://www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.