Dear
MAx,
I
am 79 year old and have been a widow for four years. Before my husband died he
and I did a lot of things with our two grown children and their families. Seems
like since he left I don’t see the kids as often, nor do I do much with our
friends. I just don’t want to be one of those widows that sit in a comfortable
chair hoping the children will call, or come by, and waiting for my turn to go.
Can I rebel and not grow old?
Martha
Dear
Martha,
“Rebel”
what a wonderful idea? Why not? Why not create a reality at 79, or older, to
think youthful, behave responsibly, and, truly live each day as though it were
your last.
This
past weekend I watched two programs pertaining to aging:
The
first program profiled four individuals, all over ninety, and all very active
both physically and mentally. While all of them attributed certain foods and
exercise to their aging process, the point was made by “researchers” studying
the aging process, that genetics still play a big part in how people age.
The
second program highlighted “researchers” studying the life of bees to determine
what contributes to healthy longevity. Their findings indicated that bees that
hung out within the hive, rather than leaving the hive in search of pollen,
actually lived longer. A preliminary conclusion was that being part of an
active community, and not being alone, may increase longevity.
I
like both of these ideas.
I
also believe that adding the mind/body connection can be a factor of healthy,
graceful aging. I remember seeing a video of Louise Hay, one of the early
pioneers of the mind/body connection, at 82 years old. She looked fabulous,
moved with the gracefulness of a thirty year old, and totally captivated her
audience with her clear, insightful thoughts on aging.
I
want to be like her when I am 82!
Five
things I think we can do to “rebel as we grow old”:
- Think positive, live positive;
- Every morning check in with your body to warn it that you are going to have an outstanding day;
- Be aware of situations that still need exploring by you—then explore them;
- Get together with one younger friend and one older friend, and laugh about where you are in your life;
- Identify who you are at this stage of your life, and, live with pride that you learned so many lessons along the way.
Last
year, around this time, my 84 year old widowed aunt called to tell me that she
had “fallen in love for the first time” in her life. Furthermore, she didn’t
see why it would be necessary to discuss marriage-they both appreciated their
independence. It has been difficult to catch up with her because they are
always off doing things together since we had that discussion. My aunt, by the
way is Italian—I would call how she is finally living her life as “all out rebellious”.
I
will be her—it is genetics.
Martha,
life is for living. Define who you are at 79 and BE that person.
Have
a question about addiction, recovery, or life transitions such as retirement,
career change, grief and loss issues, empty nesting, etc, ‘Ask MAx’. Send your
questions to Lifestyle Changes, PO Box 1962, Eugene, OR 97440; or, e-mail your questions to: askmaxcolumn@yahoo.com. Learn more about MAx
Fabry and read her blog at www.lifestylechangescounseling.com.
